This whole potty training business is something else. When she was about 18 months she was very interested in going on the little potty ~ she did it great for quite a while. I was thinking ~ sheesh, finally something’s finally going to be easy with her. Yeah right.
A couple weeks, maybe a month of this potty training at 18 months and she suddenly becomes hysterical at the very mention of the potty. Screaming, shrieking, and all means of generally freaking out. NOOOOOO was the word of that time. OK. We backed off, didn’t push it, and just put the diapers back on. This went on for the better part of a year.
Then she turned 3. We talked in the weeks leading up to her 3rd birthday about what a big girl she was going to be and how big girls need to go on the potty. We got her cute big girl panties and she was starting to go on the potty. Then one day I decided it must be kinda confusing to be able to go in your diaper sometimes and not in others ~ so I decided there would only be big girl panties during the day.
This worked quite well actually. I was really excited. She was staying dry all day ~ we even took a couple long trips to Wichita, the zoo, etc and she stayed dry, letting us know she had to go in time to find a bathroom. She completely skipped the little potty and went right for the big potty. So I was pretty excited I wouldn’t have to work on the transition at a later date. It seemed we had finally gotten our spirited toddler potty trained. Yeah right.
A couple weeks ago we went to Tulsa to visit her grandparents, her aunt and cousin (age 2) were up from Texas as well. Her little cousin has been working on potty training for a while as well so I thought this would work in my favor. What I hadn’t expected was the complete and utter possessiveness of toys on both girls parts. The mere thought of losing a toy to her cousin while going potty seemed to have brought our potty training to a halt. She completely refused to go on the potty, started going in her panties again and screaming and freaking out at the simplest mention of the potty.
Crap.
We bought some pull ups while in Tulsa and just let it go. I thought it would all be fine when we got home. Yeah right.
We got home and she went to the zoo with my mom the next day. My mom said she told her every time she needed to potty and went on the toilet all day at the zoo. When she got home she refused to go on the toilet, she refused to even talk about going on the toilet. Back to screaming, freaking out again. What the hell?
Now we’ve been home a couple weeks, I’ve put the old “only big girl panties during the day” rule in effect, and she has looked at me, peed on the floor and then said “I peed”. Yeah, I see. I just don’t get it. She was totally potty trained a few weeks ago!! What is a mom to do? Should I get a book? A video? Listen to Dr. Phil? I just don’t freakin’ know, but what I do know is I’m getting frustrated, and I wonder when this is going to happen. I find myself more and more frustrated because she’s done it in the past ~ so now I know she “can”, and it feels like she’s just choosing not to at this point.
I really never thought this is what parenting was going to be like. Apparently I was one of those “perfect” kids lol. Never screamed, never cried (in fact, my mom took me to the doctor thinking something was wrong with me because I never cried), potty trained early because I wanted to be just like mommy. These are the stories I heard about parenthood growing up ~ this is NOT my experience. I’m trying to just relax, and let it happen, because as far as I know, no one has gone to college in diapers, but come on. Can’t we just do one thing without a huge standoff?
What do you think? Really, I want to know, give me some advice, a kick in the ass, I don’t care, just leave me comments so I know I’m not alone in this increasingly overwhelming potty training nightmare.
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Ignore the accidents, the less attention they get the less fun it is for her. Don’t go back to pull ups, keep her in underwear. Tell her it’s time to go potty, but give her choices to avoid a power struggle (what treat she gets after she goes, which potty to use, etc.) And email me for free personalized potty training consultations! pdxbabysigns at gmail dot com
They all get there sooner or later, hang in there!
Hi Jackie,
I just finished a lens on toilet training boys and of course there is an e-book that helps with potty training.
You already did what I was going to suggest and put her into training panties. It sounds like physically she is ready, but something else is going on.
It can become a power struggle if you let it.And she maybe responding to you as well.
Maybe if she pees in her pants and it gets on the floor, make her clean it up with your help of course. That worked great with my niece. My brother made her rinse out her own soiled diaper in the toilet. It worked. Not saying that is the way to go though.
My boys were potty trained by age 2 and we used cloth training pants and it worked beautifully.
I’m going to remind you of something else law of attraction. Write a new script for her. See her only using the toilet happily. Get into the feeling of her completely toilet trained. Do a meditation while she is sleeping and talk to her then about what you would like.
I hope this helps
~Deliese
AHHH, Deliese,
We do have her clean up the mess with an old cloth diaper, and have her take her panties to the laundry.
RE: loa ~ You are absolutely right!! I will do that tonight after I get her to bed.
Thanks for the reminder ~ I need them lol. I seem to think I’m the only one that can make things happen sometimes. 😉
Jackie
So, I’m wondering if we are long lost sisters, lol! I stumbled onto your website today as I Googled “How to learn how to be consistent”! I started reading through some of your blogs and chuckled at the similarities! As far as this specific post goes, I may be a day late and a dollar short on this one but if your three year old is anything like my for year old boy, perhaps you’re still struggling! My defiant, sweet boy was still not potty trained when he turned four! I knew it wasn’t for lack of grabbing the concept which left me with one final realization…he was being defiant. This is where I finally had to get tough so, we through him a potty party, cake,a present, decorations and grandparents, told him the pull-ups where going away, hid all of the night time pull-ups and bought him a new potty and new underwear and gave him the choice to poop in the potty or in his pants! He fought it for one day, never pooped his underwear and has been potty trained ever since! I will also admit that this is the only battle I have won with him so far! Hence the consistency inquiry! LOL!
She did potty train ~ a while ago ~ and it was on her time. Still fighting with being consistent. I read “ScreamFree Parenting” and things changed seriously in our house. THEN I stopped doing Screamfree stuff and being consistent and things went to pot again. Back to being consistent and things are being consistent. So yes, I’m still trying to figure out how to be consistent!!
This was a while ago….I just read the first 2 paragraphs and that is exactly where we are now!!!!! Please let me know what happened since you wrote this, for 4 months (since 18mo) DD has used the potty if shes not wearing pants, then all of a sudden its on the floor and the potty gets a big nooooooo….am scared for the future now
Hi Jenny! I feel your pain. I had to go back and re read the post because now Hanna’s 5 and we made it through, and that time seems like a vague memory. As I reread the post though, I remembered how awful I was feeling. At some point she just decided she was going to do it. Then when she was 4 we had a set back time again… turned out she was afraid to go to kindergarten… once her teachers talked to her and she realized all her friends from preschool were going with her she was fine. It seems that is one thing they CAN control ~ and so they used it that way. I’d say just take a step back… you can’t MAKE her go on the toilet, be supportive, and it will happen.