I’m a pretty hard headed person… call it stubborn, call it “like to have my way”, call it what you will, but that’s how I am. Problem is… Hanna is the SAME EXACT WAY.
Yesterday she begged me to “do a project” with her. She got out all this stuff… paper, glitter, glue, popsicle sticks, and a bunch of other stuff. She decided she wanted to make a house… with the popsicle sticks. She wanted to make a 3 dimensional house… but all we had was elmers glue and I’m no engineer. I talked her into building a flat house out of the sticks… she begged and begged and begged me to show her how to do it.
I encouraged her to work it out herself… she knows what she wants, and she could make it just like she wanted. But she didn’t want that. She wanted me to tell her how to do it. So I finally caved and told her…
She immediately said “no, that’s not right”.
Well then why in the heck did you just harass me for the last 10 minutes to tell you how to do it if you already knew how you wanted to do it?!?
Yeah, I was a little annoyed and started to walk away and let her work on it, but then she started wailing and screaming that I had to help her. I guess I just don’t get what she needs/wants… I thought I was helping, and she didn’t want my help. *sigh*.
I kept walking away (because I was getting super annoyed) and then she started bawling and threw herself on the floor. Yikers. That doesn’t help… at. all.
So one big deep breath (well maybe 2) and I sat her on my lap. Got her to calm down, and then we talked about how we both like to do things our own way. (She has this issue at school as well… everyone has to do what she wants, and how she wants to do it… but come on ~ she’s 5) but I figured now was as good a time as any to address it. I went on to talk to her about how maybe it would be better to do something where we could both do our own project, and work next to each other so we could do our projects in our own ways. I suggested she continued to build her stick house and I’d be glad to check it out, as she was working and when she was done.
She agreed ~ so I got up to do the dishes.
I came back in the room, and she was all sullenly putting everything away. Dragging her feet, bottom lip on the floor.
I asked her “what are you doing?” she said… “I’m done for now… just putting stuff away”.
*sigh*
So I let her put it all away, and again sat down and talked about maybe figuring out something we could do together, but separate. We ended up pulling out the magazines, and paper, and glue and doing some collages. She continually tried to tell me how to make mine… and I encouraged her to work on her own. Told her it was great for her to do hers her way, and I could do mine my way…
We ended up with some nice collages… and we had some fun. Then we decided to do the dishes together. 🙂 Score… (when I can get someone else to do the dishes it’s a win)
What about you? Do you and your kids butt heads? How do you handle it? I’d love to hear…
Lol – sounds like you’ve got a leader on your hands! 🙂 She’ll be running her own company one day 😀 GREAT post! Following you…
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http://www.guitartrump.blogspot.com/
Hope you have an *amazing* day! 🙂
Alex
Nice description. I have always butted heads with one of my sons more than the other. I try to avoid getting sucked in to arguing, but I am not always successful. (He’s 14.)
Oh, how I butt heads with my kids! My youngest is going to be a lawyer, I swear – he has a way of asking “why?” about everything we tell him to do – or trying to negotiate 5 minutes more.
The best way to handle for me has been learning not to get drawn into his arguments. For example when he tries to argue his way out of a shower, I used to try to reason with him. No more. I just say “No – it’s bath time”. No matter what he says, I repeat that until he gives up and takes a bath.
I learned that from Super Nanny’s “bedtime technique”…lol, don’t be drawn into their attempts at attention. Just “No darling, it’s time for bed”.
As far as his negotiating for later bedtime, more time on the computer etc – I’ve learned that giving advanced notice works wonders. “Franco, you’ve got 10 more minutes”. then 5, then 3, then 1 – he goes without an argument! I think it works because he feels like he got that extra time, plus the warnings give him the opportunity to wrap up what he’s doing without feeling pressured.