This last couple weeks I’ve been thinking a lot about the “stories” I tell myself. You know, these beliefs we hold as truth, the way we just “know” things are… the things we feel we HAVE to do (or the world will just cave in)… yeah, those stories.
Mary K and I did a whole show tackling this subject this week on Around the Kitchen Table, and it was a good conversation, and this is a topic that could be discussed for hours on end. I’ve still been thinking, and digging in, and uncovering, and discovering where my stories show up in life, and noticing if they are serving me well… (which many times they are not.) 🙁
One of the biggest stories I’ve noticed around my business is this:
I have to be sitting in front of the computer to make money.
What a shit story that is. AND I’ll tell you, it’s been building itself and growing in solidity of belief for quite a few years now. I find myself almost compelled to sit in this chair, and stare at this screen, no matter what. Whether I have real work to do, and even when I don’t. I can sit and find something to fiddle with, blogs to read, email to check (and check and check and check) comments to respond to… the list goes on.
However… when I don’t actually have any real work to do this is simply wasted time. AND if I’m being honest and really digging into my stories here… it’s not making me any money at all.
So… this week I decided to seriously identify the actual work tasks I had to do and if I was finished with them for the day, I would get up and walk away from the computer. It was really a little test for myself.
Thank heaven for Netflix and a new season of Celebrity Rehab ~ because I had no idea what to do with myself. Hanna was off doing her own thing, and the house got fairly clean, the laundry got done, and here I am not sitting at my computer… not working.
I had no clue who I was in those moments…
It’s easy to see, especially when you work outside the home, how your work can define you ~ what do you do… oh I am a __________ (fill in the blank). When I’m not sitting at my desk working or pretending to work, I’m suddenly lost.
Now I’m not saying sitting around watching Celebrity Rehab is a great way to fill the day… but for this week it proved a point, and allowed me to see that my story was not true. My business didn’t fall to pieces when I got up when I wasn’t doing work. My income didn’t drop because I spent less than 10 hours a day on the computer. My ability to write and stay on track did not come crashing down when I had to get up in the middle of my usual “work” time to take Hanna to swim lessons. And you know what… business didn’t crash when I spent hours (way too many hours) this week watching celebrities try to get clean.
There’s an ebb and flow to business that I have been fighting. There are some weeks when I’m super busy. I’ve got new projects getting off the ground, clients to work with, the Kiss Club is hopping. Those are busy weeks (and I love them). Those are the weeks I’m really good at. 🙂
However, there are other weeks when things are slow, and my main task is just getting posts written and getting out there to meet people. Those weeks take less time on the computer ~ and yet I insist on maintaining the same busy week schedule.
I’m beginning to realize that I have to go with the ebb ~ as well as with the flow. Take those not so busy weeks to do something fun, to rejuvenate, to relax and recharge, instead of using them as a time to freak out that things are falling apart, beat myself up and make myself sit here in front of a screen doing absolutely nothing.
As this week of ebb comes to a close new project ideas are bubbling to the surface, and I realize part of the fear I have around ebbing times is that I won’t have any more great ideas, (HA) or that if I take some downtime I’ll become this horribly lazy person and never get back on the computer again. (HA). These are both seriously silly stories when I say them out loud… that’s just not who I am.
But the stories are there, and they’ve been a driving factor for quite some time now. I’m really glad I had the courage to lay on the couch and watch those poor celebrities try to get their lives back together ~ because it really ended up helping me get mine back too.
What about you?
What stories are you telling yourself? How are they affecting you? your work? family? Let’s continue the conversation in the comments!
One of the stories I am defeating in my work/play life is “I can’t work while I am busy Mommying in the Summer.” I m defying this, left and right and upside down and underneath. And it feels soooo good!!!
That’s a big one, and mine’s the opposite ~ I can’t mommy while I’m working so hard (which as mentioned in the post should be much less lol). I’m defying this one left and right this summer too!
Where to start? I relate directly to so much of what you’ve written that to describe my own situation would amount to a blog post-length response (which I’ll spare you).
At the moment I don’t have enough time to carry out everything I need to do, and if there’s a spare hour (or half an hour) I’ll sit down at the computer. The story I tell myself at these times is that every moment spent on work is productive … when doing it in sporadic bursts like this is often not very productive at all.
Hey Tracey,
You can make those sporadic moments more productive by making sure you’re really clear about what needs to be done. If you can get in there and do “real” work when you have the time you can definitely make it work. I like to make sure I have a clear list of what I have to get done for the day… that way I can jump right in if I only have 30 minutes here or there, and focus on the really important stuff right away. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂
I did the same thing. I would park my butt in front of the laptop day in and day out. When I took time away from the computer I felt guilty. Hard times. I found I am happier and making more money when I take more time out. Took me a while to get to that realization 🙁
Isn’t it insane how long it can take. Glad you finally made it… 🙂
I am just getting started so I feel bad if I have spare time and choose something else. This week I am focusing on getting thru all the comments on #commenthour. How great this has been. Learning from you is helping me. thanks
Glad I could help… I have trouble getting through all the commenthour blogs too! I’ve gotten through about half from last night ~ AND chose to leave the house to do something fun before I finished… look. the world didn’t cave in. 🙂 There’s hope for us all!
I work from home also in a very unique position as a nurse. I’m glad to not have ti be away fom my son but I worry that he thinks I am choosing a computer screen over him (he’s 16 mos). I have to tell myself I’m doing this to help support my family.
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A very wise friend once told me (right about the time Hanna was that age) that I was always AVAILABLE to her and I didn’t always need to entertain her. That little differentiation made a HUGE difference in my guilt level. (still does) 😉
Hi! So sorry I am super late coming over from Comment Hour. Better late than never! And….I totally dig your blog! I will definitely be back!
No worries, I’m still only half way through last night’s list. Thanks for stopping by!
I’m in school online but because it’s summer and I have the kids home, I spend less time focusing and more time in the pool. It’s bad, I know. I guess it’s about setting priorities. I’m really late with my #commenthour comments. Sorry!
When it’s summer and the kids are home… maybe they should be the priorities. 🙂 There will be plenty of time for more work/school when they too are in school. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by.