My day was not off to a good start. I’m sore as hell from my workouts, my daughter is screaming about everything, and then my husband got up and decided it was a good time to tell me how I’m not being consistent enough and my daughter is “out of control”.
After bursting into tears I decided to get the hell out of dodge, put my clothes and sneakers on and went for a “run”. I love saying I’m going for a run. How’s he going to object? He’s all about me exercising more, so it’s a great way to get out of the house for a bit. It’s fun to say “run” but the reality is it’s way more walk than run lol.
Anyway ~ while I was on my run this morning I started thinking about what he said, and thought about consistency and how it fits in with me living a life in balance. I started to realize he was pretty right, and how part of what I want as a balanced life is to be able to have consistent responses.
Growing up, and even still, you never know how my mom’s going to react to anything. Waking her up is a prime example. If you wake her up, she screams because she wanted to sleep, but if you let her sleep she screams that you should have woken her up. You can’t win for losing. Some days with her, you say something and she lashes out, another day you say the same thing and she is all smiles and laughter. It’s very confusing. I personally don’t want to be that way with my daughter. So I can see how consistency really plays a part in that.
So why am I so inconsistent with her?
She frequently acts up while I’m in the middle of something. I don’t want to break my train of thought so I let it slide.
I’m tired of dealing with one thing after another so I just let some things I probably shouldn’t slide.
I’ve read so many “gentle parenting” books that I’m afraid I’m giong to scar her for life by disciplining her in anything other than the most gentle manner.
For example, part of the discussion with my husband this morning was him saying “you just need to spank her every time she does something she’s not supposed to do. Every time. Nothing else has worked, going to her room, time out and everything else you’ve tried ~ just doesn’t work. Just spank her, it works.”
Here’s the deal with that ~ 1. most of those other things did work when I was being seriously consistent about it. 2. I don’t want to spank my kid. I was spanked as a kid and I don’t remember what it was I did wrong, I just remember having to pick the belt I was going to get beat with. Yes, I probably did tow the line for fear of getting beat, but I don’t want to parent out of fear.
However ~ it does seem to work. So I guess there is a lot of confusion in ME about what/how I want to approach things, which makes it really difficult to be consistent.
When you’re running, your mind kind of wanders ~ which is a good thing. You start thinking about how one thing affects everything, and today was the same.
I started thinking about consistency in other areas I want to find balance in. I notice when I consistently do small things every day the house stays way cleaner, and I don’t have to spend a whole day/week cleaning it when someone’s coming over.
When I work out consistently over time I feel better, I lose weight.
When I make better choices in the food I eat consistently, over time it is much easier to choose healthier options, I feel better, I lose weight.
Consistency is an issue for me. I really WANT to be consistent, there’s just so many things going on, and I find it difficult to be consistent with EVERYTHING long term.
What am I going to do about this?
Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to take some baby steps. I’m going to choose some things I really feel I need to be consistent about. I’m going to work on being consistent with those specific things over the next month. Then hopefully at that point it will be a “habit” and I won’t need to think about it so much and I can add some more things in a month.
1. Hanna spitting ~ she’s been spitting at me/dogs/hubby/floor for a while now and it’s just not acceptable.
She will be given 1 warning, and then she will go to the time out chair for 3 minutes.
2. Swish and swipe ~ a quick swish of the toilet and a swipe of the counters in the bathroom every morning when I’m done showering.
3. Empty the dishwasher every morning after breakfast.
4. Work out at least some 6 days a week.
5. Take time for myself ~ even if it’s only 5 minutes every day.
I’m sure there are more things that I need to be consistent with Hanna about, but right now they aren’t coming to mind.
Part of the problem is she is very defiant ~ but I think that’s part of being 3. I’m not really sure how to deal with the defiance, if it’s something I need to battle with now ~ and if I don’t will it just balloon as she gets older. I just don’t know ~ this is the first time I’ve done this. I want her to be an independant thinker, and not just do as people tell her when she grows up ~ but I’m not sure how that translates when she’s three. 🙂
I can definitely see how consistency is a huge part of living a life in balance. I’m going to be more consistent with these 5 things over the next month. I’ll let you know how things change as I go. I’m open to comments/suggestions please feel free to leave them in the comments section below.