This last couple weeks I’ve been thinking a lot about the “stories” I tell myself. You know, these beliefs we hold as truth, the way we just “know” things are… the things we feel we HAVE to do (or the world will just cave in)… yeah, those stories.
Mary K and I did a whole show tackling this subject this week on Around the Kitchen Table, and it was a good conversation, and this is a topic that could be discussed for hours on end. I’ve still been thinking, and digging in, and uncovering, and discovering where my stories show up in life, and noticing if they are serving me well… (which many times they are not.) 🙁
One of the biggest stories I’ve noticed around my business is this:
I have to be sitting in front of the computer to make money.
What a shit story that is. AND I’ll tell you, it’s been building itself and growing in solidity of belief for quite a few years now. I find myself almost compelled to sit in this chair, and stare at this screen, no matter what. Whether I have real work to do, and even when I don’t. I can sit and find something to fiddle with, blogs to read, email to check (and check and check and check) comments to respond to… the list goes on.
However… when I don’t actually have any real work to do this is simply wasted time. AND if I’m being honest and really digging into my stories here… it’s not making me any money at all.
So… this week I decided to seriously identify the actual work tasks I had to do and if I was finished with them for the day, I would get up and walk away from the computer. It was really a little test for myself.
Thank heaven for Netflix and a new season of Celebrity Rehab ~ because I had no idea what to do with myself. Hanna was off doing her own thing, and the house got fairly clean, the laundry got done, and here I am not sitting at my computer… not working.
I had no clue who I was in those moments…
It’s easy to see, especially when you work outside the home, how your work can define you ~ what do you do… oh I am a __________ (fill in the blank). When I’m not sitting at my desk working or pretending to work, I’m suddenly lost.
Now I’m not saying sitting around watching Celebrity Rehab is a great way to fill the day… but for this week it proved a point, and allowed me to see that my story was not true. My business didn’t fall to pieces when I got up when I wasn’t doing work. My income didn’t drop because I spent less than 10 hours a day on the computer. My ability to write and stay on track did not come crashing down when I had to get up in the middle of my usual “work” time to take Hanna to swim lessons. And you know what… business didn’t crash when I spent hours (way too many hours) this week watching celebrities try to get clean.
There’s an ebb and flow to business that I have been fighting. There are some weeks when I’m super busy. I’ve got new projects getting off the ground, clients to work with, the Kiss Club is hopping. Those are busy weeks (and I love them). Those are the weeks I’m really good at. 🙂
However, there are other weeks when things are slow, and my main task is just getting posts written and getting out there to meet people. Those weeks take less time on the computer ~ and yet I insist on maintaining the same busy week schedule.
I’m beginning to realize that I have to go with the ebb ~ as well as with the flow. Take those not so busy weeks to do something fun, to rejuvenate, to relax and recharge, instead of using them as a time to freak out that things are falling apart, beat myself up and make myself sit here in front of a screen doing absolutely nothing.
As this week of ebb comes to a close new project ideas are bubbling to the surface, and I realize part of the fear I have around ebbing times is that I won’t have any more great ideas, (HA) or that if I take some downtime I’ll become this horribly lazy person and never get back on the computer again. (HA). These are both seriously silly stories when I say them out loud… that’s just not who I am.
But the stories are there, and they’ve been a driving factor for quite some time now. I’m really glad I had the courage to lay on the couch and watch those poor celebrities try to get their lives back together ~ because it really ended up helping me get mine back too.
What about you?
What stories are you telling yourself? How are they affecting you? your work? family? Let’s continue the conversation in the comments!
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